It continually blows my mind how fast time goes by here. It literally disappears, but looking back, it always feels like so much has happened.
Although it was hard to leave my family after Christmas, the
transition back was the easiest so far. I think it was because I was expecting
it to be hard whereas in the past it always caught me by surprise. I know that
sounds strange, that it was easier but also
really hard, but I knew I was coming back to a sort of chaos so I was mentally
prepared for it.
We had recently lost Sam and everyone was still reeling from
that unexpected tragedy. On top of that, a dear friend (and member of the Ekisa
team) was going through some incredible hardship having to give up a child that
she had been raising for the last 2 years and had known for nearly 4 years
before that. The story is long and complicated (as are most of the cases we
deal with) but she is doing pretty well now.
Basically, I landed and was instantly surrounded with
people at their wits end who regularly expressed a desire to be done with Uganda
and I was left praying and hoping that my friends wouldn’t all leave me to deal
with this place on my own. Scary thought given my Jinja family is the only
reason (besides the grace of God) that I don’t lose my mind sometimes.
In all honesty, there are a couple members of the team that
have been dangerously close to throwing in the towel recently and we are taking
intentional steps to move towards recovery and making sure that those that aren’t
struggling to quite the same degree avoid getting there. “Burnout” has been a
hot topic at Ekisa. We are working at creating policies that will outline clear
boundaries and responsibilities and allow each of us to take off time here and
there without feeling guilty about it. Guilt is the key word here. In our
recent conversations about this, it has become abundantly clear that we extend
grace to each other by way of encouraging breaks and time off and don’t extend
that same grace to ourselves. This is what needs to change…the freedom to take
care of ourselves without feeling guilty about it. It’s all a learning process
and part of growing as self-aware individuals and as an organization.
On a positive note, it was so great to come back to the new
apartment and have everyone settled in; though it was a huge amount of work getting
everything finished (I’ll share pictures soon, I promise). There are currently
4 of us occupying 3 out of the 4 units and we are working on filling the 4th
with another expat community member. We’ve been doing some work on the compound
recently and now have a carport and a functional fire pit; although rainy
season is in full swing so we may not get a huge amount of use out of it right
away. We’ve also started a vegetable garden and in a couple months, should have
an abundance of tomatoes, cucumber, zucchini, watermelon, beets, sweet peppers,
okra, sunflowers, squash, celery, chives, beans and snap peas. It’s all very exciting
because I dreamt about this for so long and it’s all finally coming together.
Another big change has been the addition of a furry little
friend named Carter. I would be lying if I didn’t say I kinda love him, as much
as some of his puppy traits drive me crazy. We had a rough start, him and me.
Without going into too much boring detail, he was the catalyst for a good 4-6
days of fairly severe anxiety…the illogical, uncontrollable, infuriating kind.
It was especially frustrating because I kept asking myself how I can be calm in
extremely stressful and tragic situations but a stupid little puppy is what
caused an unraveling; but I guess that’s just the nature of the beast.
It’s been a month since I got him and everything is going
really well besides a bit of residual anxiety that likes to hang out just below
the surface. It’s actually a bit of a scary and dangerous place to be given any
given day holds a number of possible stress inducing, potentially unraveling
moments, so I need to be very intentional about how I deal with it all.
On another positive note, I had the chance to lead worship
with a friend of mine last Sunday; just the two of us. I had led a couple times
before with the Ugandan worship team (consisting of 5-7 additional vocalists) but
this was simple and acoustic and it felt as though the congregation appreciated
the change of pace. I feel it’s likely we’ll get the chance to do it again
sometime in the future.
Well, that pretty much sums up the last couple months. I
have put a reminder in my calendar to write another update in a month. I’m
turning a new leaf!
