Silly Willy

First of all, "Memoirs of a Geisha"; not a movie to watch alone, at night, in a foreign country when you’re dealing with being separated from everyone you care about for the next two months. Bloody depressing, that’s what that was; I don't think I've ever felt so utterly alone. Yesterday didn’t improve too much until the evening. Call it a "funk". If jetlag is the feeling that you could stay in bed all day and sleep, well then, I think I had a bit of that. Plus the fact that the weather was downright ugly had an effect on me, as well. Being the social butterfly that I am, I was also feeling a little claustrophobic not having the option of going out, meeting and spending time with other people my age or at least near it; I guess it’s the feeling of being isolated that’s really nagging at me. That will improve as I take on the transit system in the near future and I’ve since made an effort to contact other au pairs in the area. I can’t wait to get out exploring; I’ll be going to Wales the weekend following the next, which I’m really looking forward to. The weather hasn’t improved too much today and I was feeling a little down yet again this morning, but having the chance to get outside and be active greatly improved my demeanor. I went and chatted with the horses for a bit which always feels like home and I spent a bit of time on the trampoline with the boys this afternoon. That was a blast. I introduced to them that crazy North American pastime known as a "Bum War". Henry has got the rhyme pretty much down ("1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a bum war; shake, bow, begin!"), only needing a slight bit of prompting and, typically, there was a noticeable increase in volume as the anticipation built towards the final "begin". We played other games as well; most involving a mysterious altering in rules to accommodate my staying in the middle, or being "it"…I let it pass most of the time. During one such game as the boys were jumping and dancing around me, screaming and avoiding my flailing arms, Edward (the naughty one) decided to…how shall we say…"pull it out". Whilst Henry laughed and hollered "silly willy, Edward has a silly willy", Edward proceeded to hold it in place with his elastic waistband and bounce around the trampoline like a proud baby bird that’s just discovered its wings. Hiding my amusement, I calmly instructed him that his actions were inappropriate for outside and to my surprise, Henry stopped his laughing and echoed my sentiments. Henry can be a monkey, like most 6 year olds, but he really is one of the most kind-hearted kids I’ve ever met. Something in his eyes, I can’t really describe it. When the weather improves, I’m going to get out my camera and take some pictures of the house and the kids. I’ll have to set up an account with a picture hosting site, but I’ll provide links to make it easy for all you computer illiterate types (mom).

Driving here is nuts. Of course, the whole left side of the road thing doesn’t make it any less confusing for me, but all the back roads are ridiculously skinny and snaky, the traffic circles are chaos, and everyone is in a hurry. This morning after dropping the boys off at school, Catherine, the baby and I went grocery shopping. She’s told me a couple of times now to tell her if there’s anything that I want, but I just can’t do it. Fortunately, though, she’s made me feel very comfortable and I have no qualms about going into the kitchen and helping myself. I don’t often need to, though. I have breakfast with her and the boys before school in the morning and then during the early afternoon she’ll come find me and inform me that lunch is ready; something I haven’t gotten used to. We sit down together and eat and talk while the local news plays on the TV near us. Dinner goes the same way in the evening after the boys have been put to bed, except Jonathan joins us. I’ve offered my help, but she has yet to take me up on it. Once I get more settled (and more familiar with where things are in the kitchen), I plan on doing a little cooking here and there to give her a break and, simply, because I enjoy it.

There’s such a strange sensation I’ve gotten after being here for a couple of days: the feeling that my life back home is just a figment of my imagination. There’s been a couple of times where I’ve caught my reflection in a mirror and it’s made my heart jump a little because it’s such a tangible, concrete reminder of who I am. When I see myself, it causes a kind of firing in my brain, I suppose, and I’m just flooded with memories. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I don’t know how else to describe it. In theory, being away from anyone that’s ever known you, you really could be anybody, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think you really are who you are no matter where you are; no amount of distance can change that. I’m not sure I’d be very successful at being anybody but myself; even if I wanted to.