Patience is a Virtue

Given the last line of my last post, what follows may come as a surprise. I would be lying if I said this last week and a half have been easy and I’ve been a fool to think it was going to be. My time here has successfully pointed out my pride, my insecurities, my pride, my impatience, my pride, my mistrust in God’s plan for my life, my selfishness and my pride. I think I actually thought I’d come here with all my experience with kids with special needs and my keener-like willingness to help out any way I can and they’d greet me at the door and hand me the keys to the place. It’s horribly self-centered, I recognise that, but how else do you explain that after only a couple days here I started to become disheartened by the fact that I wasn’t best friends with everyone and still just an average volunteer hanging out with the kids, not being asked to take on this or that. It’s been a crazy, stressful, difficult week for the girls due to circumstances and the continual, daily challenges that have arisen which, I suppose, hasn’t helped with the relational aspect of things either. I suppose part of me wants to justify my feelings and say I’m just yearning to take some of the load off their shoulders, but if I’m going to be completely honest with myself, I think I’ve gotten used to feeling like a key player within my job and my community and here, I am not...pride. This has all been compounded by the fact that this huge life changed has made me incredibly emotional so highs are high and lows are terribly low. I just flat out haven’t been myself since I got here which hasn’t helped with the loneliness, since feeling a sense of community essentially entails being known and I don’t yet feel as though people know me. I don’t know how many times I’ve repeated to myself, it’s only been 5 days, a week, not even two weeks and I’m embarrassed to say I have actually considered throwing in the towel in the midst of those low lows. Pitiful, pitiful me. J

It’s so easy to be grateful for the refinement my dear Jesus sees fit to put me through after the fact; during…not so much. I am grateful, though, because I can see a purpose in the hardship and it’s forcing me to seek Him, to lay my burdens at the cross, to pray with tenacity, because to sum it up, I have come face to horrible face with my weaknesses…and they are many. But this is just the absolute worst parts and there have been many wonderful moments and experiences throughout which I will begin to start writing about soon. And it has been getting better, slowly, but surely. I can’t say the funk doesn't and won’t return from time to time, but God is faithful and I can see a future where I feel at home and truly part of the family.

Two things to look forward to: we have two new volunteers this week and tomorrow I get to start organizing the medical cabinet. It’s a disaster and I’ve wanted to take that job on since I got here.

To my friends, thank you for your little notes and encouragements; I feel your love and it has blessed me indescribably.

A little teaser for the stories to come: Power outages, a small kitchen fire, torrential downpours, a leaky boat and some rather sketchy road conditions.

The resort we spent last Sunday afternoon at...just beautiful.

A rather distorted perspective, but you get the idea. I will post a tour soon as well.

Across the "road" from our house.